Thursday, March 30, 2017

Her Man Chest

Her man chest
Was the chest of her man
With sprawling hair
In a master plan

From Sale on one nipple
to Ardwick on the other
And his Beetham Tower
Under the covers

She loved her man chest
And in a state of elation
She declared her man chest
God' greatest creation!

NB - Teachers, when reading this poem with your students please note that 'her man chest' is an anagram of Manchester and that is what the poem is actually about. I've been told by some fans that this poem was a bit too obscure on the first reading, but for me discovering hidden meanings is part of the joy of poetry, so I've decided not to spell it out and to let people work it out for themselves.

Me Dad Was The Best

Me Dad Was The Best
But he never took a rest
When put to the test
He passed, we were blessed
His shirts was pressed
And his hair never messed
Though at bedtime he dressed
In his kecks and string vest
He was distressed
At our kid's first arrest
He went and confessed
He'd become so obsessed
But the priest was impressed
With his Catholic prowess
And with that off his chest
He had a pint of Hyde's Best

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

I'm A Bin

I'm a bin
Drop yer litter in
The bottles banging make a din
But I'm mad for it
It ain't a sin.

Drop in yer needles
But don't drop the ball
Coz I'm a bin
And I've seen it all. 

The Smiths or the Roses?
Which legends are finer?
I'm a bin
With a thick black liner

"Ich bin bin"
It's German you plank!
But I'm not a German
I'm a bin
And a Manc.

- composed March 2017

This poem was inspired by the new bins in God's own city of Manchester. If you are from the council and would like to use the poem please leave a comment below.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

A City United/United City

A united city in every way
Except of course on derby day
But even then we're Mancunians first
With a pint of Boddies to quench our thirsts

A city united around the Smiths
Of men (and some women) with Morrisey quiffs
Of Levenshulme lads in parka coats
And Mardi Gras floating Canal Street's boats

A united city, I don't know if you've seen
But City United's the name of our teams
That we watch with kebabs from Fallowfield's skewers
That we wash with our tears down Oxford Road's sewers